I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
