you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
