It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
