NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
