Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
