I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Life is so much better after having sex.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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