wakey wakey hands off snakey
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
