Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
