Cold hands, warm shart.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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