so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
