so explain again why im purple
no
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
