Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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