remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
