just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
