If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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