so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
