You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
In America we eat man semen.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
