that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
