i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
