Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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