moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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