It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize