I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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