Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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