the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
