I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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