you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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