Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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