Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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