Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
