Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
