I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
