That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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