it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
