Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
