Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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