True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
