yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
