I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
