I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
