A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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