you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
