Reggie can tackle my bush.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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