Pants 0. Shit 1.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
