Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
