3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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