One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
