On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
