Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
