Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
