bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
