My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
