Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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