Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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