I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
