At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
