she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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