i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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