Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
