Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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