That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
