apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
