I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
