Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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