we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
