It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
