I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
