I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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